#61- Did It For the Wookie
A long time ago, in a city far, far away, and guest host are joined by () to review a porn parody no nerd has ever thought of before...Star Wars. Alice Vaughn 0:09 Welcome to Two girls with Mic the podcast that firmly...
A long time ago, in a city far, far away, Alice and guest host Natalia Reagan are joined by John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) to review a porn parody no nerd has ever thought of before...Star Wars.
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Alice Vaughn 0:09
Welcome to Two girls with Mic the podcast that firmly believes hand jobs that come from girls who speak sign language count as blow jobs. I'm your co host Alice Vaughn. event is still on medical leave. So I have my beautiful guest host, Natalia Reagan, Natalia How you doing today?
Natalia Reagan 0:25
I'm doing fantastic. Thanks for having me out again. It's always a pleasure, especially with you Alice,
Alice Vaughn 0:30
how do you feel about a sign language? blowjobs
Natalia Reagan 0:34
You know, I'm very proficient in American Sign Language only in blowjobs though, unfortunately, it's all I know. And then the guy love you sign and then also the shocker. The shocker is also a popular that's that's part of sign language correct now, yes. Did
Alice Vaughn 0:47
Coco the gorilla know that fun? I don't think so. I don't think she was aware.
John Fugelsang 0:51
I do a whole bid my act where I teach the audience how to curse in American Sign Language because I get a government grant if it's educational. So I do Oh, yeah. And they have all the curse words like, I'm always like when deaf kids curse like they get their hands washed out with so I don't know what they do. But what matters is all of the curse words are there and they're even more colorful in ASL.
Natalia Reagan 1:11
I wish this was a visual show because I feel like we could be learning so much more, especially when they come up with new words. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. How does that huh? How does Netflix and chill translate to ASL? There just be a lot of this or that's more fisting. But you know, next. Yeah, that's not so chill. Honestly, that's a little bit taking it four steps to forward
John Fugelsang 1:33
for those listening, which is everyone. Natalia just did a hand gesture and flying fisting. Yeah, for the podcast.
Natalia Reagan 1:39
That's actually when I used to play jeopardy. That's how I would remember answers. For some reason I would I'd always blank out but as soon as I would make that fisting motion, it would come to me. I don't I'm not a fan. I don't know why, but it just some sort of like visceral response. It's good to know what work Alex You're back. If
Alice Vaughn 1:53
you have any thoughts, please share them with us. Audience if you have any thoughts about using fisting to remember stuff If you're not the only one,
John Fugelsang 2:02
let us know. At least we know it works for Natalia.
Natalia Reagan 2:07
I'm fun at trivia night. Let me just Oh
John Fugelsang 2:08
yeah. I can't wait for your recovered memory. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 2:13
Considering I'm on a league, you are now officially invited. Okay. Thank you. Fantastic. And a third voice you guys are hearing today is john fugle. Sang from Sirius XM. Tell me everything. JOHN, thank you for joining our little podcast.
John Fugelsang 2:26
That's really a delight I completely enjoy and and bewildered by what you do. And I'm honored and thrilled and sheepish to be here.
Natalia Reagan 2:34
Oh, good. Can we call you john fuel wing for the duration of the show? You know that it's my favorite nickname of You know
John Fugelsang 2:39
what, there's so many ways to make fun of my name, which begins with fpu if that's as creative as you can get. Nathan Lane once said that my name was German for a large apparatus. And his publicist wouldn't let me use the quote. I was crushed. Oh, that's deeply disappointing. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, there's a lot of ways. So Mike, go ahead. You were saying there's many, many ways you
Natalia Reagan 2:58
go bang, bang. I mean, there's that There's a lot you can do I just have considering the content of the podcast, I felt like it was appropriate.
John Fugelsang 3:06
It's a nerdy name for a nerdy kid. And that's why when you asked me to pick a movie, I was like, I will admit, I came to this with a real prejudice because I felt as someone who was alive in the 80s, that comedy ruins porn almost as much as synthesizers in that decade. And so I came to this with a real negative connotation. But when you asked me to pick a film, and I was like, I don't know, I've avoided porn parodies for many, many years. Like, is there anything for Star Wars or the Godfather? And y'all told me there is one for Star Wars and I think that's so great. They're doing Star Wars, porn parodies, because that's a way to introduce young men who are into sci fi and fantasy to porn. So now they'll be gateway.
Natalia Reagan 3:47
Exactly. This is their gateway film. Not like they need more, but they do. They absolutely do.
Alice Vaughn 3:54
I mean, if you are a huge sci fi nerd and you've never watched porn, I mean, seriously, you were disgraced to win sales.
Natalia Reagan 4:00
Right. I feel like that's how they get all their information honestly is just through I wish they were porn parodies because anyone have a sense of humor on top of it right? I mean, I feel like that's the problem is they just have the burning need to have non consensual sex but without the sense of humor don't realize how wrong
John Fugelsang 4:16
that is. And they really should stop when I was a young nerd like an incel meant you were afraid of women, not that you also despise them and wanted to punish them for enjoying their sexuality in cells have really gone off the rails in my opinion. Mm hmm.
Alice Vaughn 4:28
And I completely agree with you. Unfortunately, that what it takes for someone to become an insult is just a lot of horrible interactions. Unfortunately, I know that we had Nina Hartley on the show and during which she discussed that she feels bad for insults, and I frankly, don't blame her. I mean, aside from the horrific misogyny and terrible things they say, if you peel back the layer of this shitty onion if you work with me on this, get there how you become a damaged person. Not fun
John Fugelsang 4:59
Look, men cannot control the way they feel. They can control the way they behave. So like, you know, it's one thing to be lonely to be rejected by women. But like I come from a time when that man you either had to get good at dancing or have a sense of humor. And I didn't know that just being a pig was an option all along. So I mean, jeez, I worked way too hard trying to learn how to talk to people and and listen them tell jokes. But to me, it's like if you're on line all day and living in your parents basement and watching porn and being a misogynist racist on the internet. What part of that is involuntary you are signing up for a celibate life of a five fingered orgy starring you and you alone and solo?
right thank you respecting women and listening to women is the first step away from insell asshole them because you're signing up for it when you're being a misogynist. So I feel bad for them, but also only they can lift themselves out of it.
Alice Vaughn 5:55
I agree. And that's the thing. Once you get into that mindset and you surround yourself with committee, immunity that's cheering you on? Yes and help because then you can easily come out of it until people start challenging you.
John Fugelsang 6:08
Except that now we have names for it. Like when I was a young guy and new guys like this, it was just Oh, is this how it is? This is how guys you're supposed to think. And I actually like labeling and things like in cells because it's going to make it harder for young men not pre determined to massage need to fall into that swamp.
Natalia Reagan 6:24
Now an examples of how you can get out of it. I mean, there's plenty of examples of men that have lifted themselves out of it and found a way to not be complete Nutter
John Fugelsang 6:32
asshats I just say guys, like the real thing is better than porn. I mean, good got nothing against porn. God bless. But you know, like take a dance class, take an improv class, find something you're good at. You know how many amazing women in their 30s and 40s and 50s are willing to lower their standards so much to have a date on a Friday and that I'm right here that's just la I'm talking of LA is like the mecca for lame guys like lame guy should bow to LA like it's Mecca five times a day and pray. That's where you will Braking low frequency dude bro losers can get incredible women with low self esteem and that's the good news and sales really.
Natalia Reagan 7:08
I was born and raised in Los Angeles and unfortunately I can attest to what john is saying it is true. I have dated some lovely humans in my life, but let's just say my mom has scolded me many times for lowering the bar to a point where she herself was completely flabbergasted and disgusted. Yeah, yeah. So no, that's a red flag Central. But you know, just keep going. The red flags are almost like it's like your bowl and you just go for the Matador. You just kind of go for it. That's what I feel like LA is
Alice Vaughn 7:36
all about No, I get it. I mean, you lowered the bar so much you just trip over it. Yes.
Natalia Reagan 7:41
And trip on it. And God knows what falls on what so there you have it.
John Fugelsang 7:45
No, I'm saying But again, it's not to say I'm anti porn at the same time. Like I'm very pro free expression pro erotica. I'm pro men watching porn that women write and direct and produce much less but I do shudder to think that there's an entire general of young men and young women who are going to learn everything they know about human sexuality from a couple of roid rage misogynists in the valley with crappy lighting who seemingly use the same floral bedspread for every film. Bad porn is also a bad sex ed teacher. And the fact is that not just our birth rates going down, but the rates of men having sex in every category, including high school have gone down, which tells me there's a lot of guys who would rather just stay home and watch the laptop that actually go out there. And
Natalia Reagan 8:31
I don't think they would rather I don't think they know how that's I actually I was just talking about this the other day, a good friend of mine wrote a movie called where the Millers and there's a scene in that movie that eventually did not make the final cut, but it was a kid like you just mentioned that wanted so badly to have sex but he learned everything he did from porn. My friend and I, the screenwriter actually got in a fight because the line in the movie because this kid was so disillusioned about what sex was he just turned to his male mentor and said, I just want a girl that I can have dinner with and wants me to Come in her face, because he thought that that's what women wanted. And I had to explain to him it's not come in the face, it's come on the face. His name is john. And I was like, no, it's we had a fight for like a good two days about whether it was coming in the face or on the face, which I eventually won. But just that idea that I think there's kids that wanted but they just don't know how about go about getting it. And they're probably, and women too, if they don't know exactly how it's supposed to be done. And so there's just like, you know, square pegs and round holes, just not really working anymore, because it's not really a dialogue and nobody's teaching them you know, and Alice and I talked about this the other day, like, our parents aren't gonna sit us down and say, This is how you, you know, play with your clitoral, but like porn can teach you that, or, you know, better sex ed. I don't know I had a class called loving. I went to Catholic school need a class where Dr. Klein who was a 60 plus year old woman showing us how to put condoms on bananas, but also showing us where the interest was. And I remember being horrified. You know, because it's Catholic school, but she still thought it was important enough for us to know.
John Fugelsang 9:56
There Anna was Mm hmm.
Alice Vaughn 9:57
And that's a great thing about the show. We really do. Try normalizing and let's actually have conversations about sex and porn and what actually happens in porn. And I mean, we've had multiple guests in past episodes talk about everything that's fake you know everything from the acting the orgasms. Hey, she's not actually screaming because she's enjoying it. She has a leg cramp. She's been trying to get that for the past 20 minutes or the fact that I was telling Antalya this over lunch. But we've mentioned before on the show, that a lot of the shots are just fake. I mean, I'm sorry to disappoint most of you, but it's just moisturizer.
John Fugelsang 10:33
I saw a documentary in Europe about how they do that with a turkey based or off camera and yeah, I mean, at all, but to me, that's another side of the the dark side of this if aliens landed on earth and watched our porn, they would logically conclude that human females can see through the chin.
Unknown Speaker 10:53
Or the I
Alice Vaughn 10:55
mean, there's and true monogamy is knowing just when to choke her without her telling you
John Fugelsang 11:01
exactly well you only slap the ones you love.
Natalia Reagan 11:04
God no on the donkey punches yeah no I feel like porn and also Photoshop. I mean, it's very similar in the fact that like you're getting a completely missed representation of what a person or what a thing is in terms of, of sexual intercourse because it's completely I mean well I don't know I can't speak for everyone sex life some people might have a completely every night is just a new porno. But for the most part, it's pretty mundane. I think especially after 1015 years of being together, you know, sure
Alice Vaughn 11:30
everything maybe some people have been looking for love in all the wrong places. So Ah, yes, we have a porn to review today and it is Star Wars triple x the 2012 edition by Axel Braun. And I know what you guys are thinking of Star Wars porn. Yes. Finally we got to Star Wars. By the way. I'm so excited because I grew up I love Star Wars. I actually have some original Star Wars film sells next to me on a table because I love Star Wars Episode Four that much. Wow.
Natalia Reagan 12:01
Yes, I'm wearing Star Wars underoos right now I shouldn't I should let you
John Fugelsang 12:04
both know that I'm raising a small boy in second grade. We know what religion we're raising him in. He actually got a children's Bible from his grandma, where Jesus said, Everyone is Caucasian, and I'm done with that. And he came in one day and said, Jesus turned water to wine with the force. And I did not correct him. Yeah. And I'm also proud to have had a lot of, you know, performers from the films on my radio show, and I've known Mark Hamill for years. And he's a great guy. And I mean, I'm part of a generation that was a little boy when the first one came out. And it really became, in many ways our religion for a generation of young men. Then in the prequels George Lucas made us all atheist again, but But still, the programming stays with you and for me as a kid, like my parents, were ex clergy, right? I saw the whole Darth Vader Luke Skywalker thing really reflecting in a much more acute way the God and Jesus thing not to get too lofty, but you know, like, the father is a lot more powerful, but the son is not An incredible dick. So like, for I think for a whole generation of young people, we learn to understand religion and even myth from the Star Wars films when Yoda says luminous beings are we not this crude matter? That was the first time I understood the human soul. So like I'm down with it, and that's why I came to a porn parody. A little terrified, like, would they ruin Star Wars? Would it be people who didn't appreciate Star Wars who were making this and just making fun of it?
Alice Vaughn 13:24
I love Zack and Miri Make a Porno. And I always wanted to see Seth Rogen, ill fated Star Wars. So I'm just so glad to know that four years later, you know, Axel Braun blessed us and basically picked up where he left off and I have to say, my gut reaction to this is I loved it. This by the way itself one, I believe seven avian awards, six x v. v IDs and an award from exercise zero. So that's our direction Best Screenplay Best Director, an xR co for best parody and a VPN for best parody and an XPS for parody released to the year kill us. Lot of awards. I mean, I don't think the Peewee Herman film that I saw one as many and that was really good.
Natalia Reagan 14:07
Yeah, I mean, when I first watched it, I didn't find it because I'm so used to have Mel Brooks his version of what a parody is and I felt like there was so many missed opportunities because they felt like they weren't quite parroting it they're almost doing like a shot for shot remake of it but giving it some comedic spins because it was they didn't change the names. I felt like there were so many missed opportunities with like screw Baka, and Han Solo I mean layers just layer that makes sense, but there's just so many things that could have done but they definitely wanted to stay It was almost as if somebody saw it like john saw it as like a religious experience. So they didn't want to tinker with it too much, but I expected
John Fugelsang 14:42
it to be blasphemy, you know, like I expected it to be what surprised me the most about it beyond the fact that there's a whole lot of incest and bestiality if you want to be objective with this.
Alice Vaughn 14:52
Yeah, and the most terrifying Chewbacca you've ever seen in your life.
John Fugelsang 14:55
Yeah, and the racial politics are kind of as if he is the first Star Wars but Yeah, what surprised me the most was that this was clearly a parody. And again, I don't like porn parodies, something I'm morally opposed to. I was so impressed in the beginning how, like, in the first five minutes, someone mentions Admiral Thrawn, who's from the books, never in a film and he's on Star Wars Rebels, the animated series. And I thought, whoa, real fans made this. And what surprised me was, it wasn't about denigrating Star Wars. It was about copying it, remaking it. And the guy who plays Luke is astonishing with the voice. And yeah, a lot of it's like, played for laughs and there's some things in here were really problematic, but like, first I couldn't believe a How are these people not sued? I mean, like, I know, but I was like, holy crap. is George Lucas being ripped off like I've never worried about his finances in a very long time. But I mean, the ships are the same. I mean, Darth Vader's Darth Vader, his costumes almost completely the same. They literally play the Imperial March. I don't know how they got away with that with the music. That's total
Natalia Reagan 15:58
canteen. Yeah. The campaign was slightly different the tune but not
John Fugelsang 16:02
much, but I could tell they they love it and for all the problems I had with it, and I have several, I was amazed by the budget. And I was just kind of moved by how clearly these people really know Star Wars. They know that dialogue inside out. There's direct lines of dialogue, where they put in jokes, and these are lines I've heard hundreds of times in my life, but I never, I mean, they have a running gag in the last act of the film, where they're all more or less doing the same exact joke like I bet you say that to all the men winds up being really funny and really clever how they find unexpected humor in the dialogue we all love. I can tell it was made by fans and awesome schlock guys who just wanted to make a buck off it.
Alice Vaughn 16:41
And we've seen a fair amount of porn parodies on this show, but I've never seen one that essentially recreate something shot for shot. I think the closest GM is the peewee one. But this one is just it's so mind blowing how much of the original script that they integrated into this. There was times I felt Like I was watching fan fiction instead of a porn until a blowjob scene came on. Yeah.
Natalia Reagan 17:07
There were a couple that just the sex scenes just sort of Wait Wait, what? How did you know in the canteen? I was like, hold up what's going on? Who did weren't okay cool? Fine. You got to find space somewhere.
John Fugelsang 17:17
I think all the Intel's who wanted to remake the last Jedi finally have the platform where that can be pulled off effectively. But yeah, and and again, I know we're not supposed to watch the sex scenes I skipped through most of them. But there's a couple of like, really kind of weird and problematic things that this film does that if you were a Star Wars fan, you realize Whoo, really not cool. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 17:35
Which ones are you talking about? Because I just couldn't help but continue watching the entire Chewbacca threesome because he kept growing and I have stories about why that one's even more interesting. But tell me which ones that
John Fugelsang 17:48
you're seeing really made me understand that I'm going to the wrong three parties. I mean, I've got a Craigslist I lost the whole community because my furry parties are nothing like what this guy goes through. Okay. Really quick, Leah has sex with her father and brother. It's not Oh, yeah, mentioned that way. But that's what you're getting into.
Natalia Reagan 18:06
In the beginning when there's have a scroll up, they cross out something I believe it says father.
John Fugelsang 18:10
Yes. I mean, like,
Natalia Reagan 18:11
they're trying so hard. But like, I remember watching this and when she started playing with herself, and I thought, Oh, god, no, no dad, daughter, no, don't like this. And then he pulls out his huge black hawk. And I thought,
well, maybe there, it's an adopted situate. I'm trying to like rationalize. And
then exactly
John Fugelsang 18:31
what's the problem with the first Star Wars film? There's nobody, like one black guy in the background instead of waiting for the whole movie. And like, it's interesting, because the film is more progressive in many ways. Unlike George Lucas, they have female pilots in the new hope things like that. But beginning and I thought, how are they going to do a porn parody of a movie that just has one female character the entire time? Turns out ancillary women get a workout but I'm the one black guy, you know, there were no African Americans in Star Wars. So he made Lando and Lando is a terrific actor. Empire Strikes Back and delete Williams has played him on the animated shows too. But the only African American here it's like a different kind of exploitation. We talk about African American men exploited for the male, Caucasian gaze as sex objects, just like women in porn if you want to get academic about it, but here there's one black guy, he's wearing a Darth Vader costume and only one part of him ever comes out to reveal that he's black. Well,
Alice Vaughn 19:24
in Episode Four, we're not going to see any other part of Vader. So that's true.
Natalia Reagan 19:28
We didn't see any other part of Chewbacca, but then again, in theory, he's not wearing a costume
John Fugelsang 19:32
and go to buck has got a retractable Pinkie one.
Natalia Reagan 19:35
Yeah, I wonder if he has a baculum I mean, if he is Park dog, this is a scientist in me. Yeah, so the penis bone is present in many mammals. Most non human primates have a baculum or a penis bone. JOHN, I can't speak for you. Most humans don't. I don't know if you have a baculum but in theory, she got
John Fugelsang 19:53
so big. It's got a knee in it.
Natalia Reagan 19:58
Fantastic. I heard that. No, that just inspired my Siri to go off.
John Fugelsang 20:02
I know Siri,
Alice Vaughn 20:03
to your point, john, you're right. The difficulty with turning Star Wars originally even into a porn is that there's really one central woman, Leah, and we're not counting and Peru because you know, although that scene would be pretty hot. It was a joke about
John Fugelsang 20:17
that. Yeah. When Han says not many girls on the moisture farm, there's there's a lot of clever lines of this thing. Yeah. And also, I will say she looks a lot more like Daisy Ridley than Carrie Fisher, which made it a bit easier for me.
Alice Vaughn 20:30
There you go. Yeah. Ellie Hayes looks really great as Leah so I don't know. I mean, I know it looks like Carrie Fisher's daughter, but I'll take it comes really close for porn.
John Fugelsang 20:40
I agree. And again, the guy playing Luke is astonishing. He's got the boys down so well.
Natalia Reagan 20:45
And the guy who played on looks like the new Han, I think very much.
Alice Vaughn 20:49
Yeah, the guy who played Luke was Seth gamble. And he actually also played Deadpool which we reviewed recently. He killed it in Deadpool and killed it. He nailed that. Luke's wine Enos
John Fugelsang 21:01
Yeah, and I will say you know as Obi Wan Allah Dennis lost the Best Supporting Actor, but this there'll be one wins best score. He was
Alice Vaughn 21:10
Tom Byron's alcoholic Obi Wan is
Natalia Reagan 21:14
really funny. Good. I just yeah, I loved the sand. Yeah, boning sand people left and right. She was fantastic.
John Fugelsang 21:22
Be like, obviously over the top, gay stereotypical see threepio was really tacky and very 80s and really made me think I was gonna be watching a stupid film. And I'm glad that humor got better as it went on. Mm hmm. See, threepio was
Alice Vaughn 21:33
also played by Shuji LaRue. Oh, yeah. So someone who historically has done a lot of work within the gay community so interesting.
John Fugelsang 21:43
That makes it easier than the guy who plays Chewbacca is named dick Tibbles, and everything
Alice Vaughn 21:48
that just feels right actually, for the sex scene where Chewbacca I feel like we should almost go a little bit scene by scene just so we can break down. Yes, we have so much to say about each scene. Maybe we should just start from the beginning. So in the beginning, we open with that CGI budget. I've never watched a movie that had so much CGI where I was just in awe. I mean,
John Fugelsang 22:08
like I expected the worst. I expected it to be just like atrocious in the CGI. And I was kind of impressed that like, not just the comedy was better than expected, but the special effects were better than expected.
Natalia Reagan 22:19
Yeah, yeah. I was expecting it to be stopmotion or some sort, you know, I mean, like, using models and things of that sort. That would have also been very funny, I think because I'm also a somebody who loves parody and like the absurd, that would have also been fine with me. But yeah, I think they did a very good job, just sort of, like yeah, and like shot for shot.
John Fugelsang 22:36
I thought it was going to be like really, really just tacky, deliberately sloppy humor, and as it went on, I mean, I've never said this before about a porn parody, but I was so impressed with the dialogue. Right.
Alice Vaughn 22:47
And you have fantastic dialogue between C threepio and artoo D two. And by the way, I was kind of in shock because in the credits and I think they listed this as a joke they listed Tommy Gunn famous porn actor. As playing r two D two. There is no sexy of our two D tos in this just to preface this for anyone who's going in, that was disappointing.
John Fugelsang 23:12
There's a lot of interspecies relationships but not a lot of AI.
Natalia Reagan 23:16
Also, I call it interspecies mingling.
Alice Vaughn 23:19
So in the beginning, we have Vader who comes in, you know, he's even choking one of the people, you know, trying to interrogate him and accidentally breaks his neck. And I'm shocked that throughout this whole thing, we didn't have a Vader, you know, during, for example, the later sex scene between Vader in layout where you know, he's not trying to choke her or, yeah, choke me daddy. Opportunity didn't get that seriously. She could have said choke me Daddy, and that would have applied to someone someone would have loved that.
John Fugelsang 23:47
That's for the sequel with Darth Rocco siffredi.
Natalia Reagan 23:50
Yeah, Empire Strikes Back. Oh, if it doesn't already exists, it really should. Yeah, I also felt like there were missed opportunities with the cameltoe line. I'm just doing used to again like no Mel Brooks if you're gonna have a cameltoe there needs to be underwear with a printed cameltoe on it or something just because it's just like, okay, we get it. It's a cameltoe but, and I feel like the stormtroopers I called them foreign troopers just because it just felt, you know, like for going to have parody it. So I wrote my notes. But yeah, they're just a bunch of Valley girls, which is kind of ridiculous. And no, I mean, somewhat amusing. I felt,
Alice Vaughn 24:22
but that's how you get more women into it.
Natalia Reagan 24:24
Now you have to, but I kind of wanted to go see a little Dom a melon of them. We're just kind of like dumbed it. See, I'm a guy blinds like, I like a counter. That's cool. You know, I kind of wanted them to be very Butch and some having some books down characteristics that would have been fun.
John Fugelsang 24:38
A lot of the women were almost attractive enough to be at an actual Comic Con, which I couldn't say 20 years ago, but mines where you realize how much they love the series like they talk about holocrons and this holocrons You only know about if you watch like the Star Wars animated show, and then you know when our two shows the hologram and he says wait, playback the entire message and threepio says Oh, no, the first taste is always free, like, so much really sharp wit in this thing, that it's rare. I say the comedy was better than the porn part.
Natalia Reagan 25:08
Yeah, although I missed the missed opportunity for parsecs instead of parsecs. I did like the fact that he did correct him on the fact that parsecs is a measure of distance rather than time. Yeah, that was good. I felt like that was the Neil deGrasse Tyson, actually, you know, of the film of bringing in the science which you know, you don't necessarily expect from a pornographic film,
John Fugelsang 25:30
a lot of it felt like like if I was at a Star Wars rocky harbour where people had been waiting the shout out for years, like when Luke says, but I was going to the Tashi stage to pick up some power converters and Uncle Owen just is like, take it easy, Luke, you're going to need your inhaler. Like a line that we've all laughed at for years to get in the last third of the movie. They do a gag, like it's so rare to find a good running gag in anything. But like when Leah says you came in that thing. You're braver than I thought solo says it I can see that the lots of guys. And then like later solo goes when he has the line. Sometimes I amaze even myself. She says, I bet you say that to lots of girls. And then in the end when solo says let's blow this again go home. Luke says I bet you say that to a lot of men. Like as a comedian I was applauding the running gag and and just playing that over and over again and finding three different parts in the last 10 minutes of the film where they could milk that
Alice Vaughn 26:24
Yeah, my personal favorite was the running gag they had with the waiter and Jeff fader
Unknown Speaker 26:28
Oh my god, the tray, the tray.
Alice Vaughn 26:31
So there's a waiter who keeps coming in and interrupting the tray from the cantina trying to deliver food to Jeff fader. So
Natalia Reagan 26:43
it's so stupid but great,
Alice Vaughn 26:45
and it happens multiple times place throughout the film, and ultimately it culminates with, there's a fire in the kitchen and that's why the Deathstar ultimately explodes because it happens to be next to
Unknown Speaker 26:57
the core reactor Of course,
John Fugelsang 26:58
like every gopher I mean, by the way, the guy playing Tarkin gets no sex scenes and looks nothing like Peter Cushing. But he begged for it. Man, this guy like he did not treat this like a porn. They hired real actors
to come in and do this.
Alice Vaughn 27:14
Oh my god, yes. And they had some big stars also, who were just doing cameo. So I'm like, think, Wait, is that Tommy pistol and Ryan driller? What are they doing? And they have one line and they're gone.
John Fugelsang 27:27
Yeah, I mean, you could tell there was a lot of affection for porn and for Star Wars and in that sense, I think it was designed to be watched over and over again by real fans.
Natalia Reagan 27:36
It does remind me of I mean, again, I'm gonna keep bringing up Mel Brooks I do love that sort of attention to detail and watching a film five times and being like, I didn't even notice that I didn't even notice that I didn't even see this joke. I you know, it just they keep coming. They keep coming, which is good. I agree. You always want your pornos to keep coming.
John Fugelsang 27:52
Ah, but I actually thought this movie was much more reference to Star Wars than Spaceballs was Spaceballs is making fun or worse. Was this film? Yeah, it's a parody, but like they treat it as holy scripture. There's inside jokes that only diehards are gonna get in this film. Mm hmm. I mean,
Alice Vaughn 28:07
you never completely understand in the original wide was at the sand people ran off after Obi Wan made a weird sound. But now we understand because if a Jedi fucks you in the ass in sand, you're gonna run away because you don't want that to happen again. It answers so much. She seemed to enjoy it. I know she hissed at the end. Yeah. So many mixed message. Oh, so just shout out to the sound effects going on during the sex scene. So during the layer and Vader sex scene while she's going down on him, you have the Vader breath going on.
For a solid five, six minutes. Then you have chewy growling tick. Cheers. throughout his entire scene you have his just during sand people oh and Cantina music playing in the background for three minutes 30 minutes of Cantina music?
John Fugelsang 29:12
Yeah, and then a lot of it is like straight up. I mean, a lot of it's not parody. It's straight up john Williams gonna call his lawyer when he sees it. And there's a twilight girl sex scene which a lot of installs like myself have waited their entire adult lives for more than one example of interspecies Congress in this movie.
Natalia Reagan 29:29
Yes, exactly. No, it definitely hinges on the line of much Sdlt much incest, but I love how they really went out of their way saying it's really nice that we're not related. It's so great.
John Fugelsang 29:40
Yes, they I mean, they know it. It was all full of insight to that's what I found the most heartwarming about it was just the love of Star Wars and the source dialogue.
Natalia Reagan 29:49
Absolutely. You knew that the buildup was going to happen and you knew that in the end laya was going to
John Fugelsang 29:55
It was great. I can't wait to show it to my weekend. I can't wait
Alice Vaughn 30:00
He will I found out that the second DVD of this film actually has the entire film which is running time of well over an hour, but minus all the sex scenes so you can't show it to him.
John Fugelsang 30:12
Oh my god. Well, yeah. Oh,
Natalia Reagan 30:14
really? Well, there are allusions to sex and sexual innuendo, but it's not that dirty it really it's not like fact the future where it's like cock brown you know, the names are just the names and, and the jokes are more innuendo than anything you know? I feel like like an Obi Wan I love Obi Wan as the comedic relief that to me is just was fantastic. I couldn't get enough of that.
John Fugelsang 30:38
Talk Brown.
Natalia Reagan 30:40
Oh, yeah, that john I in fact, the future let me just tell you I had not watched much porn parody. And then I watched that for my first episode on here. Oh, look at the kiters or
John Fugelsang 30:50
I had to get up because I had a problem. I had a crisis with the dog in the corner and now the cat is just getting in the shot.
Natalia Reagan 30:54
That's great. My cat was just trying to climb on me so we're we're all getting attacked. Yeah, but but The difference between this podcast and the film we just watched is we will not have sex with our pets. That's what oh god no, no, no, I would never never. Never do that. Never. I mean, I'm not gonna make that mistake again. I promise.
Unknown Speaker 31:15
You shag one sheep
John Fugelsang 31:17
with just one. Just one. Look, it got me out of the Air Force. What do you want, but I'd never
Alice Vaughn 31:23
I find your lack of nudity disturbing.
Natalia Reagan 31:26
Obi Wan drinking piss was pretty fantastic. That was pretty good. I just thought he was such a good comedic relief that I just couldn't get over how, although there was one point when he was talking about Luke's father and he called him a cunning warrior and I was very disappointed for not the follow up. Of You know, he didn't follow up with Well, how did my father die? Well, a young Jedi named Darth Vader who was a pupil of mine until I cut off his arm and left him in a river of lava lava.
Unknown Speaker 31:59
It was was a great visual.
Alice Vaughn 32:02
The only redeeming visual from the prequels.
John Fugelsang 32:05
Actually, I would watch these if they remade the prequels this way. I mean, you can make the argument This is a porn film with better acting than much of the first superhero.
Natalia Reagan 32:12
Oh my god. Oh, yeah, much better. I was very impressed with all the actors. You know. I mean, there's only a few times that I was like, come on, where do you walk in off the street?
John Fugelsang 32:20
It's true. They weren't phoning it in. I mean, like they really, they really tried to make it a real movie. I think the fact that they have so much hubris, they'll release a cut with all the sex parts taken out shows how maybe a little too seriously, they took it.
Natalia Reagan 32:33
Okay, guys, it's not that good. Yeah,
John Fugelsang 32:35
not that good. Believe me. It's not It's not what I would call a good film Solo is a better use of your time to watch. But having said that, it's as a porn parody. It's miles I mean, and I'm a snob. So I haven't watched a porn parody since I was like 18 and was like, Oh, am I funny and not sexy. So I was just so impressed by the budget, the creativity. And again, the fact that they really really love the source material. I can't wait to see them. You know, do a porn parody of Lawrence of Arabia. That's all guys of mine bad example. But I can
Natalia Reagan 33:04
probably, I mean, there probably is a porn parody, but it probably is all guys. That's true.
Alice Vaughn 33:10
And that
Natalia Reagan 33:11
would be just for a different audience. Yeah.
John Fugelsang 33:12
Lawrence in Arabia or something. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 33:16
Now, I have to say speaking of solo, the one character that I wasn't impressed with was the casting for Han Solo. I felt Rocco Reed played like an okay Han Solo. I don't know if there's a porn equivalent of Harrison Ford out there somewhere. But it just felt a little flat to me for this film. So
John Fugelsang 33:34
honestly, I agree with you. I felt like the guy playing Luke was a big fan of the original movie. I felt the guy playing Han Solo had seen the original movie, not for several years and just you know, played it based on memory.
Alice Vaughn 33:46
I mean, Seth gamble not only nailed you know, like I mentioned before, no, wind Enos and even you know, to the point where he even makes which in retrospect makes so much reasonable sense of like, why is there no one warning label on a lightsaber before you hand it to someone. Yeah he
Natalia Reagan 34:04
plays an affable sweet moron like just the biggest dum dum and in so well i mean but also still ridiculously hot so it's it he treads a fine line. Whereas Han Solo I felt like did not bring the same sort of swagger or you know, saltiness Yeah, that you need to be agree on. Mm hmm.
Alice Vaughn 34:24
Now did Tribbles, though, so tell me more about well, I first encountered dick Tibbles in when we started covering I think the Wizard of Oz like way back in Episode Three last year. Was he the lion? No, he was out the tin man. Oh, he's
John Fugelsang 34:42
been stiffed for a year. Hey.
Natalia Reagan 34:46
Got a loop that guy up.
Alice Vaughn 34:47
So fun fact about the costume and wasn't finished by the time they had Chewbacca sexy. So first off, how do we describe Chewbacca costume? It's, it looks like in I'm gonna butcher This dog name but like effin pinscher Oh yeah,
Natalia Reagan 35:03
how do you say that dogs? I don't know but they're like it looks like a Brussels Griffin or something. I thought
John Fugelsang 35:09
he looked like a rug with a glory hole.
Alice Vaughn 35:11
Like an effin pincher fucked a big foot.
Natalia Reagan 35:13
Pretty much. Yeah, he's very he's got a great Sasquatch thing going on, but his face j it looks like yeah, and half his picture. The pug is sort of face where it's all just sort of squished together. The blue eyes was a little jarring. And the braids on his chin, the braids, I almost felt like they should have had some flowers to them to kind of give him an added hipster thing. But this is 2012 perhaps too ahead of its time. You know, that would have been all too much. A man bun would have been really a gentle touch. Honestly, if we brought Chewbacca back, you know? Yeah, an IPA with a man bun some braids.
Alice Vaughn 35:46
We could film the whole thing in Brooklyn and still be under budget. Oh dear.
Natalia Reagan 35:51
We can do this. I know some people in Red Hook. We can make this happen.
Alice Vaughn 35:55
Casting for a walks is easy. Everybody has
John Fugelsang 35:57
dogs here. Right? That's a sub fetish of Furies
Unknown Speaker 36:00
Oh dear God, oh no. He walks.
Alice Vaughn 36:05
Since the costume wasn't finished in time for the sex scenes, do you know what they did to hold it together? No safety pens. Now, patrons of the show they've already listened. And they know this because one of the people that helped right and helped out on the film, we've had her on as a guest host, Alison McKnight gave us this little spoiler where she was on the set of filming this. And so they were using safety pins. And while he was on his back, they kept on clipping. So those safety pins were driving into his back so they had to keep cutting during the sex. And he had to keep popping little blue pills. So more and more blood thinners. So I Agra Yeah, to stay hard throughout the entire scene for like a solid hour and a half and that sex scene was only what 15 minutes long. Wow, Jesus. Did he bleed out? Did we lose him? Did we lose two triples? No. He's still around. Thankfully, oh my goodness. But I mean, this is a man who has dedicated himself that much to his craft that he will take this type of pain for you people.
John Fugelsang 37:08
And he's like 52 like he's a seasoned porn star.
Natalia Reagan 37:11
Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I just thought my first thought when I when that scene started was I've worn a lot of costumes. That sounds bad, but I've allowed a lot of like Bigfoot costumes in my life. They're hot as hell so I just thought about how hot He must be under that costume while getting all the sex from all like those two different ladies every which way from Sunday so I just you know, more power to him and he's getting poked with pins or Yeah, you know so many poker things in I know.
John Fugelsang 37:37
And what did he get out of it? Just you know, paycheck and sex with two hot women. I mean, really?
Natalia Reagan 37:43
Hero hero right where
John Fugelsang 37:45
he took one for the two for the team actually took
Unknown Speaker 37:47
two he did happen.
Natalia Reagan 37:51
Where is that man? I want to pat him on the back
Alice Vaughn 37:53
said the only place you want to pat him.
Unknown Speaker 37:55
No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I
Natalia Reagan 37:59
think I've had my Fill of Big Foot eight. My life. I'm good. I've Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 38:05
Any chance you still have any of those costumes? Because I do.
Natalia Reagan 38:09
Well, Todd does. We have them at NYU, the big foot and the Eddie. Well, I have a gorilla costume back in LA. I have
Alice Vaughn 38:15
some people who might be interested. Okay.
John Fugelsang 38:19
They can use the Yeti when they make the wampa and the Empire blows back or whatever you call the strokes.
Natalia Reagan 38:25
strokes back blows back is good. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, the Yeti would be a good time to a little bit. Yeah, it'd be good. Just rip it open. Just take a nap. And man, that's cool. What else? Did you have the tauntaun sleeping bag. That's what's something you should get your kid.
John Fugelsang 38:38
Oh, okay. I'll get on that right away. Yeah, already got like a Kylo Ren sleeping bag. I've got so much I like old Star Wars sheets. I mean, we're definitely raising the kid in this religion. So it was very, very funny to watch the Star Wars thing I'll never watch with him. We're actually never because we're doing the cycle. Like the whole deal was to watch everything Star Wars up until episode nine comes out. So like we got through episode one and two and now We're in the middle of the Clone Wars series. And then we got three. And then we got so low then we have the whole rebel series. So we're giving us two months to do this. And it was like so weird to watch this particular movie in the middle of this Father, Son binge watch.
Here to help you know what, it's something for the other hemisphere of my brain and I appreciated that.
Natalia Reagan 39:22
Another thing I really liked was the bickering between Vader and the Emperor just going back and forth and just being wasn't at the Emperor. What's his name? Harken?
John Fugelsang 39:31
Yeah, yeah, they gave Darth Vader one of the Emperor's lines like and one of the early scenes they they took an emperor line from Return of the Jedi and gave it to Darth Vader in this one. Like which one which was that I got to go back and watch it. It's in the scene where with the delivery guy, but I think there are so many easter eggs in here for you know, guys who like sci fi and porn. I assume there's some overlap and those Venn diagrams.
Natalia Reagan 39:54
I'd be shocked to find anything. Yeah, I'm interested in what the casting was like and how people probably were campaigning to get roles cuz like you said, Alice, there are so many porn stars that have very small cameos. Like, I wonder if it was like the guy. And there's so many actors in it that I'm pretty sure not porn stars, and you just kind of wonder how they got there, you know, because this is something that you know, is gonna do well, if it's the first Star Wars parody in 2012.
John Fugelsang 40:19
You know, like, I don't know how porn makes money anymore. Like, I don't know, where they got the budgets. I don't know how they didn't. Right. But like, this seemed like a film that was designed to have men buy it, not just watch five minutes of it on a website, but to actually pay for an entire download of a whole movie.
Alice Vaughn 40:35
Yeah. So I know that on the second DVD, other than having the entire film without the sex scenes, I believe they also have table readings, from people trying to get the parts. That's funny. Yeah. And then they never do that in porn,
John Fugelsang 40:46
the oral sex scenes because I'm sure not all of that was scripted. There's a lot of what I don't think was actually in the text, but I'd love to see that.
Natalia Reagan 40:55
They're trying to think of how that looks written out. Yeah. Give me a minute.
Alice Vaughn 41:01
So am I supposed to gargle or spit right now? I can't it's just it says God. It just says
Natalia Reagan 41:08
like, what noise is that? That was a good Chewbacca Alice I really respect It's very nice.
Alice Vaughn 41:13
Yeah, I was good. I wasn't even me trying Chewbacca. Oh God, do I do Chewbacca then when I'm nevermind, I'm trying to think of now that you do blue Baka. But a lot of these paradigms really don't have a lot of money anymore. And we've talked about this in detail, you know, the ones that do still have money to create parodies are like wood rocket that are now subsequently owned by Pornhub and sponsored by them to create the content and they get their money through ad rev and subscription sales rally, right. But most people don't pay for their porn and we highly encourage it, because how else are you going to give back any of this?
John Fugelsang 41:47
Yeah, Hilton Hotels. I mean, I don't know how they make their money anymore. And I don't want targeted advertising to happen. So I mean, it's nice to see that they're actually making stuff designed to be sold as a two disc DVD set. Because I'm convinced I don't know how you look up the sales but I'm convinced is a lot of people who would own this because they like the artistry that went into the parity.
Natalia Reagan 42:08
Sure, but unfortunately not a lot of people have DVD players anymore.
John Fugelsang 42:11
That's also why No, that's true. By the way, I have 700 DVD porn, so if you guys want to know where I can unload these, but yeah.
I don't know where the old porn goes. Where does the
VHS porn gold? Is it just gonna dump? Was it in South America? Where's it migrate
Natalia Reagan 42:27
there in my mom's closet right now my best friend gave me all his gay old gay porn VHS as a joke. He left it on my my doorstep. And it somehow ended up in my mom's closet. Yeah,
John Fugelsang 42:38
there's like six old guys love all of the HS pour. And you're they're hoarding it.
Alice Vaughn 42:42
Yeah, we send it to Cuba.
John Fugelsang 42:44
That's probably it. It's in the third world and then you know, they're wondering why Americans all have big hair and pubic hair. They're watching 80s VHS porn.
Natalia Reagan 42:51
That's why the bushes back. Why do they like the mustache? so much? So much mustache? Yeah, there's a lot of confusion of what we're into. No, Ira. I remember years ago I've told Alice the story but I worked on a movie with Ron Jeremy not that kind of movie. He was stunt casting in a film where he's supposed to play a puritanical producer and so I had to do his wardrobe but also cut out pictures and make them look like they're Family Photos cuz I didn't have Photoshop at the time it was like 2002 or three. And so I cut out pictures of his face from the back of porno and then glued them into family photos
Unknown Speaker 43:28
in pre like frames, pictures of it.
Natalia Reagan 43:31
And usually he was making you know, like some sort of Oh face. There's like one of my random jobs I've done through life and you know, I also do is wardrobe I had to get him a khaki pants and a lavender button up with a yellow sweater vest. Wow, that was an intense you know
John Fugelsang 43:46
what I've seen Meryl Streep pull up a lot of roles. I've never seen her convince me that she was enjoying copulation with Ron Jeremy. That is my acting test. That's how I did that's that's it. Can you convince me that you are having a good time with Ron then I'll believe that You're I can't
Alice Vaughn 44:00
as someone whose neck has been accidentally sucked by Ron Jeremy through a scarf. I want to clear. Yes. Okay. Yeah. It's very conflicting. So let me explain.
John Fugelsang 44:13
Yeah, you just meet to me with a story.
Alice Vaughn 44:17
So I didn't mean for it to happen because no one means for ron jeremy to suck on your neck. It's kind of like when you accidentally have like a mosquito bite you. It happens. It's there. You have to deal with the aftermath. I was at Exotica A few years ago, this was way pre porn parody. I saw ron jeremy I thought, hey, it would be fun to have a photo with him. My boyfriend's taking the photo. And as that's happening, Ron goes for the neck. And I don't know how he got past the scarf. But it's such a conflicting feeling. because number one, it feels great. And number two, it's like your grandmother sucking on your neck. So what do you do? You're very well hung grandmother? Yeah. Well, no, I mean, I knew Alice knows this, right. I know. to becoming friends with Ron and he, the reason why we stopped being friends is he wouldn't stop trying to fuck me. And I kept telling him No, no, please. No, I have a boyfriend. Can we just be friends? Please? He couldn't, just couldn't. It was like, Can I just be the one girl that you just don't have sex with? There's so many you do? Can I just be the token?
John Fugelsang 45:18
Well, there's so many he doesn't. There's so many. If you ever been a public event with Ron, I get the pain behind his life because his whole life is having sex with stunning women who would never give him the time of day in a club. And when he's out in public, I've always noticed when I've been at events with him, and he's always been very kind to me. It's all young women coming up and going hedgehog, and he's know that all the time by women in the real world that having that said his body of work speaks for itself. And I find you know, male porn acting to be fascinating anyway, I mean, half of the actors who do gay porn identify as being straight, which tells me clearly, these are men who love the craft of Acting like I don't love it that much, but these guys that and when you're hetero guy, but you'll go there with Jeff Stryker, God bless you, man, you are Olivier to me. But in this case, it was really weird to be watching a porn movie where neither the comedy nor the acting nor the misogyny bothered me all that much.
Alice Vaughn 46:19
I don't know if that stat is true where half of the people in gay porn aren't gay I'd love for the third to half of guy is gay for pay.
Natalia Reagan 46:28
I just wonder if it's because of the stigma around coming out? Only because, you know, I think that sexuality is far more fluid than we've given it credit to being you know, and, and,
John Fugelsang 46:40
and it can be I will venture to say, if you're having sex with men on camera, you're not worried about coming out. That's not something that holds you back. You're actually letting the world know in a very specific way. So I don't know. I mean, you know, we've heard stories of guys, I've read interviews with guys who wound up making all this money doing it and when you think about the fact that you Women get paid to do porn with men they wouldn't want to have sex with ordinarily, why is it shocking that men do the same thing.
Alice Vaughn 47:05
I know that I had one of my guy friends who when I started doing this show told me that he did some cam work, and he's straight. And he was telling me that when he was doing cam work, eventually he switched over to doing gay camming because guys paid a lot better. Wow. Yeah. He just decided, you know what, I'm going to just do this. And it's for him. It was different because he wasn't interacting. But I mean, then again, also, if you enjoy having stuff up the bud doesn't mean you're gay. Just want to be clear. Yeah.
Natalia Reagan 47:37
That's something that I mean, for a long time has been such a misunderstood concept that I think that because sex ed is not good in this country and no mom and dad is going to sit their kid down and be like, it's okay. If you want to stick your finger you know, like, nobody's gonna have that conversation and understandably so. So, you know, I think having those conversations or at least having science communicators or sex communicators talk about sex. in a way that's open and also talks about consent, because I also liked Actually, I don't want to jump too far ahead, but I mean, we're still talking about it, but at the very end,
Alice Vaughn 48:09
just kind of covered, all right.
Natalia Reagan 48:13
Leah gets her do with both Luke and Han. And Han actually waits for her consents, cuz she's like, what are you waiting for? And he was like, I was waiting for you to invite me and I was like, look at you go, get an all consente 2012 way before the knee to movement. I enjoyed that. But things like that, you know, that young men and women are not really taught, but also things like what are considered quote unquote, kinks, which are not really kinks. You know, they're actually just sort of preferences. They don't need to be stigmatized through
Alice Vaughn 48:43
Yeah, what I love is and we're slowly but surely starting to incorporate this more important, I'd love to see it more and more, which is more consent talk. And I know it's not sexy, but I mean, a lot of these actors will have half hour two hour long conversations prior to shooting because they want Discuss with their scene partner. All right, what are you into? What are we doing? That's how you know they're transitioning from scene to scene to scene. They already know it's not they're reading each other's minds. But on top of that, you want to know, okay, well, maybe I'm into choking. Alright, well, maybe this actors going to choke to heart, maybe let's pass on that this time around, and whatnot. And that's what you don't see in a lot of the post production. And that's cut out because it's just, you know, not interesting. not as sexy. Yeah, but what I like is, you know, slowly, we're getting to a point of where we're seeing in porn. Hey, what do you like, what do you want me to do? Things like that. And I'd love to see more of that in more mainstream porn, but I'm not seeing it yet. It's more in the indie stuff, but we're getting there could hope
Natalia Reagan 49:47
Alice is it mostly in the indie stuff that is doing that kind of work? Is it female directors or is it just a mix of all sorts of female male directors?
Alice Vaughn 49:56
What there's a lot more females. So I mean, whenever indeed people are doing it. You have a lot of porn stars who are creating their own content. So they're creating the content that they want to make and put out for their fans. So you'll have people who, you know, just came off said, you know, they're hanging out with someone that they could have even just had onset and doing a scene with them, things like that. Yeah. So that's the cool thing about supporting specific porn stars, you know, the porn is always going to be ethical, because it's what they want to shoot.
John Fugelsang 50:25
Yeah. And you also have imagined that, you know, men who are interested in working for a while in this business, will learn to respect the female stars of their films very early on. And I'd like to imagine that any men who are true misogynist, from the acting point of view, who don't respect the women don't have very long careers. I want to believe that we've heard lots of stories about guys who have a lot of power and do mistreat people. What I like about porn is that it's not a question of pay equity, women are paid much more and with good reason. And I'd like to believe that that kind of is trickle down feminism with douchebags aren't going to be able to mistreat a woman on a set full of people just because they think they have a chance to.
Natalia Reagan 51:04
Well, pepper was saying that we were talking to you performer a few weeks ago. She's also a scientist and she was basically saying like, when she works with somebody and they behave or treat women or kind of our bro we and sort of have a boys club talk, she's just like, Mo won't work with them again. And you know, and word spreads. It's kind of like a spread of mouth, like who's good to work with who is going to just be kind of, you know, you just don't want to work with assholes. You want to work with good people. And of course, with porn, it's not only more fun, but it's it makes for a better product and it's more ethical. You're right, you know, less dangerous.
Alice Vaughn 51:37
Now, that said, there's not a lot of guys in porn, because I mean, if you're a guy and you're listening to this, and you're saying, well, it's easy to get a screw woman. No, you have multiple cameras on you. You have to stay hard for extended amount of time you if you can come on command apply for porn. Because I can't. I guess that's a fun factor. I can't do that on command. Most people can't.
Unknown Speaker 52:04
And go.
Alice Vaughn 52:06
action and seems no, but the point is, is that because there's so few men, if you can check the boxes and do a scene, you will hang around longer than other people. And you don't have to be smart, either. I mean, I've talked to porn stars in her like, yeah, I've had to do scenes where the guy was a flat earther and I had to fake liking him for the scene. Now, they don't give you that disclaimer before you watch a porn. Hey, the people you're gonna watch fucking one of them believes the earth is flat through
John Fugelsang 52:40
Oh, it's terrifying. I mean, when you cast because you're hanging outside Gold's Gym in Venice Beach all day. You're not going to get the broadest cross section of ideologies. Hey, that's my old gym. I love that gym. I'm just saying why not a certain kind of guy in a certain region of the country for a certain reason. It's not going to be the kind of guy that the girl would actually want to bring home after The workday?
Natalia Reagan 53:00
No, exactly. It's just the one that they want to think about. Yeah, I mean, there was also a years ago, there were theories about when in a woman's cycle, she is more likely to step out on her mate. And the idea was that she's more likely to stay with you know, again, this is there's more research is always needed. But women were more likely to find men that were more symmetrical and attractive in terms of scientific terms or you know, symmetry being an indicator ovulation during ovulation. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 53:28
symmetry were
Natalia Reagan 53:30
similar, like facial symmetry actual. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's considered a sign of attractiveness. I'm super asymmetrical. But some people are closer to being symmetrical. I mean, there's also just certain body types and shapes and everything but I also i as somebody who I'm a staunch believer that really takes out of the factors out individual preference because I think people have such unique and wide ranging individual preferences that are influenced by their growing up by their environment, you know, by their culture. I think it's not as easy as saying, oh, biology determines what we're attracted to, because I'm not a bunch of bull. But I do think it's interesting. I don't know, I think that's the greatest joke of nature, right? Like, all this time, we think we were attracted to what we were attracted to. All the while, it's actually nature being like, nope, you're attracted to what you think is a desirable mate with the traits your offspring needs. And we think it's just us getting the hard on when in reality, it's centuries and centuries of behavior and DNA making the choice for us. We just think, oh, hot choker. Yeah, I mean, but there's still like the Oedipal in the electric complex. There's still people doing attracted to things that they're not supposed. I mean, I'm saying that they're, they're just going off the rails, by the way, are we off the rails?
Unknown Speaker 54:42
Do we always go off the rails?
John Fugelsang 54:43
I love it.
Natalia Reagan 54:44
Yeah, no, I mean, I'm a little bit mix of nature and nurture. I mean, obviously, some bio, there are some biological factors that will for incest avoidance, but, you know, but I do think that saying that, like men only like big boobs because or, you know, race ratio, you know, Not there has to be a certain ratio that you're right there is there.
John Fugelsang 55:02
There are lots of nurture issues and God only knows how many women I've been attracted to because of my unresolved issues with my mama, mama, mother.
Natalia Reagan 55:12
Don't worry, I had a boyfriend for a long time that everyone called dad because they he reminded them so much of my dad. And I was just like, no, stop it. Please don't delightful. Do not like I know. How's dad doing? Stop it. That's one way to destroy the relationship. Jesus. I know. We're still good friends. He's a wonderful human. He's just easy. I mean, it's a compliment. I mean, I guess my dad's a good looking man but he's also very funny like my father but still. Yeah, I know. But it is interesting and culture plays a huge role in what we think is high not always shifts and which is also I think, problematic too, because I think body types have gone in and out of fashion through the years and that shouldn't that's unfortunate because like, what if your body types like not in vogue this season, and you're just like, hey guys over here, ha ha. Nevermind,
John Fugelsang 55:58
I want to believe that any any people Who you know, don't get all their opinions from screens will still be attracted to whomever they're attracted to. And the nice thing about all this body, like as a male growing up, I would always resent the women my culture told me I was supposed to find attractive because it was never the case. But one time when I was a kid, I passed Cindy Crawford on the street, and I was mad cuz she was actually really was so hot. And I had been so resentful of her that my culture kept saying, this is your ideal. But I think that for many of us, we're often surprised by who were drawn to who's smelly, like, who were kind of surprised that like, oh, wow, I actually trust you and feel safe with you and do whatever you want to me because I know you're good. And I think that's the great thing about getting away from screens and, you know, lack of human cells, like you know, getting out there and learning. The only one who decides who you're going to be attracted to at the end of the day really is you whether it's your DNA or your hangups
Natalia Reagan 56:51
Yeah, now I've done videos about pheromones and just how they can play a role in human nature. And being able to, you know, smell out somebody who's genetically dissimilar to you theory would be a better mate in terms of you're going to have viable, healthy offspring. You know, you want to prove you want variation. I mean, you
John Fugelsang 57:07
know, by someone's smell, yeah. Well, it doesn't matter what they look like,
Natalia Reagan 57:12
no, is that an actual thing? pheromones? Yes, but not they didn't, doesn't necessarily have a smell. Right. You know, it doesn't necessarily you can't really smell them. But I mean, I don't know about you, Alice. But I have had men in my life that I cannot stop smelling. And I love it. And I'm addicted. And I've had men tell me I smell like peaches. One guy that was just like, I was with him for six years, and he just loved the wait. No, was it? Yeah, I was peaches. He was like, you just smell like peaches. And I was just like, I don't understand it. But he really loved the way I smelled. And we were horrible for each other like the worst partners ever. But we just couldn't quit each other. It was very strange. It was almost like animal magnetism. Who knows the capitalist and me saying why haven't we bottled this up and made money? There was a perfume Eau de Jeff. Oh my god, what was it called, like realm or something? It was there was a perfume john. Do remember. it. It was in the night like early 90s
John Fugelsang 58:02
score with pheromones.
Unknown Speaker 58:04
Yeah, it's Jakarta Noir, or the Korean War. Yeah,
John Fugelsang 58:07
that was, oh god, oh shoot on Island who wore that I can still smell it. But if I go into a chess game,
Natalia Reagan 58:14
okay, so I have a weird thing with smell. And I had a driver's ed teacher who was up and he was discovered he also were a spandex shirt. This is like 1994 95 spandex shirt. We live I lived in Southern California in the San Fernando Valley, and he was like, let's drive to the beach. And I'm 15 years old. I'm just like, dude, we're not driving to the beach, but he was up and to this day, if I smell that Cologne, in an elevator on a street I just literally want to farm it. I feel bad. I almost feel like if I ever went on a date with somebody and they showed up with it, it was just like they have no chance they would it's almost like it should be just written in one's profile. Oh, I get
Unknown Speaker 58:51
it. I get it.
Alice Vaughn 58:52
I can't help but wonder what would it be like if pundants and social media personalities all came out with not their own fragrance? But the fragrance actually smelled like them. I mean, john, would you like to know? You know how many people would want to buy your smell?
John Fugelsang 59:06
No, no, I mean, I guess I at the same time I don't want to know what Chuck cod smells like so No, I'm fine with that. I can meet me and see how I smell. It's a ruggedly masculine get fetchingly clean.
Alice Vaughn 59:19
Glenn Beck just smells like him.
Natalia Reagan 59:22
I know john, he smells fantastic. Well, thank you sugar
mom for her and Alice smells delicious. Just absolutely. She hops. I do. I'm a Hufford. Like I really I don't have glue. I don't have paint. I have people.
John Fugelsang 59:37
Yep, I get that. I mean, with Can someone tolerable if someone's hospitable? I'm right there with you. If someone smells great, it's nice to just sit there and have someone in your arms and just enjoy all the senses. Their natural sense. Yeah, I mean, let your senses be a part of it and you know, look good sex. I know it's a show about porn but good sex is when all five senses are turned to 11 this is
Alice Vaughn 1:00:00
I mean isn't the five senses thing over simplified? And there's a lot more than that?
John Fugelsang 1:00:04
Well, sure if you want to get into paranormal but based on the, you know, the five that we've agreed on commonly, I think a good sex involves touch and sight, and hearing and smell and taste. And I don't actually I don't need any more senses than that involve those five keep me going.
Natalia Reagan 1:00:19
That goes to my lover's grandmother. I generally like to have sex with them as well. Like that's something I like it.
John Fugelsang 1:00:25
Well, and I like to have sex with telekinesis as well. So we have seven senses. We can go in
Unknown Speaker 1:00:29
front of Jesus.
John Fugelsang 1:00:30
Hmm, wow. Oh, yes.
Alice Vaughn 1:00:33
Well, there's actually there looks like to be seven senses. There's two others I'm not familiar with. vestibular and I'm going to so Botrytis, proprioception, proprioception, proprioception. I don't know what this is. I don't even know if
Natalia Reagan 1:00:47
the sense of balance are talking about vestibular is the sense of balance.
John Fugelsang 1:00:50
I've been having sex all wrong all this time. I get to start over reset.
Alice Vaughn 1:00:54
never told to learn. I'm gonna check the other one. I'm curious. What are the seven senses was one of them parents Normal Please tell me now um, it's just the I don't see any paranormal senses, perception or awareness of position or movement of the body. That's Yeah, as you mentioned one of them
Natalia Reagan 1:01:09
that makes me think of echolocation.
Alice Vaughn 1:01:18
Can you imagine if we were like bats having sex through echolocation trying to find people.
Natalia Reagan 1:01:24
The dark echolocation is frickin amazing. There's people that are actually teaching it now to humans who are blind to go mountain biking. They mountain bike through echolocation and do all sorts of really physical you know, endurance activities, while wind and using echolocation and when as a child I remember taking showers and like putting my face close to the wall and kind of like being able to like just feel your distance like feel the distance between things like even like before want to get sexual with it. When you really like somebody you can feel when you're an inch closer you can feel when you move like they move a little bit closer Even though you you know your space between you, you can just like it's almost like atoms in the air to start. I don't know having a small party, but I just, that's something that I think is kind of fun electricity. I have a whole new fetish group to go join on Reddit now. Thank you.
The echo locators are the that's my band. But yeah, it wouldn't be a good band name.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:21
I'll go see you guys play at the troubadour.
Natalia Reagan 1:02:24
Yay. Oh, I did like when they talked about how they called it data when instead of tattooing. Oh, did they? I feel like the movie called it tattooing something different. Well, Dan to when Dan to me, is that different?
John Fugelsang 1:02:35
That's the div that's where the old Rebel base was. And that's the false name. laya gives them
Natalia Reagan 1:02:38
that's it. Okay, see, that's me messing up. Okay, cool.
John Fugelsang 1:02:41
By the way, knowing that cost me two years off the front of my sex life, just that, but I'm curious. You know, it seems like if this was as successful as we feel it was why they didn't put a sequel into pre production right away. And I'm still mystified how no one at Disney knows that they're just playing the music and the film.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:00
I'm curious how original The music was how close it has to be to the original content for them to get sued. I have no idea.
John Fugelsang 1:03:08
I mean, the opening title music, it's a parody, but they play the Imperial March note for note, I was really impressed and shocked. And I've never really worried about George Lucas or Disney feeling disenfranchised with shit.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:19
Yeah, if they don't have enough money to keep putting out in our Star Wars every year.
Natalia Reagan 1:03:23
Jesus, it's insane. I have not watched like the past four just because I can't keep up. I think the only one I've missed a soul. Oh, really?
John Fugelsang 1:03:31
They're all good. Are they the last four that Disney's put out? They're all good. And then three of them are really good.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:36
Which one did you not feel was great.
John Fugelsang 1:03:39
solos good. It's not a bad film, considering three people made it and it's that coherent. I think that's quite an achievement. There's a lot that could have been done to make it better. I do think it deserves a sequel. And solo to was like trending a few months ago which says to me that even though the film was considered a flop, but it was really found a home on Netflix, where it's been for over a year. But Rob one's an excellent film, The Last Jedi I'm in the camp that really thought that was an excellent film. Not perfect has problems but so challenging. To me the last Jedi is challenging in the way that Empire Strikes Back was deeply challenging and upsetting to people in 1980. And episode seven is terrific. I mean, I think that Disney so far has done pretty good with the franchise, which means I guess we'll be here next year talking about those batteries.
Natalia Reagan 1:04:24
Yeah, right. Get those in into the works. I mean, Alice knows this better than I do. How often are new porn parodies being cranked out these days?
Alice Vaughn 1:04:32
Oh, gosh. So it depends. Who you are in the industry. Yeah. So if you're wood rocket, for example, you're pumping out parodies every I want to say almost two, three weeks. So for example, we had recently that whole area 51 raid. Yes. Yeah, storm 51 or they did come out with an area 51 porn parody. Okay, but I feel like it's almost they're coming out with so many. It's almost like, oh, there's a huge new box office. Release. And there's in conjunction a porn being released with it. So for example, I love the good place. That's one of my favorite TV shows. The same day the new season of The Good Place launched. We got the goo place.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:13
Oh, that's nice.
John Fugelsang 1:05:14
Ah, well now I think you can just make solo and it just has to be a masturbation movie. There
Natalia Reagan 1:05:19
you go. Yeah, no, it's it's absolutely it writes itself. Really.
John Fugelsang 1:05:23
I mean, it's kind of weird that they tried to make a film called solo with two directors in the first place. But masturbation series, it seems like a natural.
Alice Vaughn 1:05:30
I mean, at that point, you just have someone dressed as Han Solo and just masturbate throughout the entire film for 16 times. Just stop just the whole time. I just I find that I would watch that just like a fly on the wall. Just I'm into it. Speaking of not stopping. Did you know there's 10 hours of Darth Vader breathing? Someone recording through it? I'm on YouTube
Natalia Reagan 1:05:49
10 hours.
Alice Vaughn 1:05:50
Yeah. So if you've ever wanted background noise to sleep,
John Fugelsang 1:05:54
that's great to know,
Natalia Reagan 1:05:55
actually just to masturbate to but that's well, Geez Louise. As of 2001,
John Fugelsang 1:06:00
after a while with all the silent breathing and all that, but yeah,
Alice Vaughn 1:06:04
I'm personally partial to the MIDI they stole from an angel fire page that they played for the cantina scene? I'm going to be masturbating to that,
Natalia Reagan 1:06:13
then I wouldn't Yeah, it's gonna be Alice is your soundtrack. Good times? If I call you and I hear that in the background, I'll know what you're up to.
Alice Vaughn 1:06:21
I'm redesigning the HTML code from the web my web page from the 1980s that's what I'm doing. Choosing the perfect middie Jesus. All right, we've got as far as I think we can with this porn. I know. We've really milked it.
John Fugelsang 1:06:36
We've made our own prequels. At this point. We've
Unknown Speaker 1:06:39
like bantha milk.
John Fugelsang 1:06:40
Yeah, we were part of everyone's nipples at this point,
Unknown Speaker 1:06:45
huh? Oh,
Alice Vaughn 1:06:46
no. Hmm. So john, where can our listeners find more of you?
John Fugelsang 1:06:51
Oh, wow. Well, I'm on all the socials and Sirius XM insight every day. JOHN people saying on Instagram or Twitter, Facebook JOHN people staying calm and a comedy club near you.
Natalia Reagan 1:07:03
And you guys, by the way can hear more stuff that we have actually over@patreon.com slash two girls on mic. So those references I was alluding to before we have them in previous episodes that are unreleased, including peppers episode that Natalia mentioned. So just hop on over to there and for five bucks a month, you guys can listen to all of that back catalogue. There's at least 17 episodes but Natalia worker listeners find more of you. You can find me on Twitter at Natalia 13 Reagan. Same with Instagram. I also have a whole Natalia, you can watch me make bad David Attenborough videos of maybe holding just anything and everything and yeah, under a rock pretty much. Yeah, you find me? I have shows coming up out in November. Oh, gosh. How could I forget November? I'm doing the George Lucas show on the intrepid on November 13. Yeah, I'll be a guest on the George Lucas show. It's a UCB show a dude plays George Lucas to a tee. I'm going to be a scientist on the show talking about what would it be like going different planets, different Star Wars planets, so and how would the different Yeah, cuz I'm a scientist I don't wait to talk about it on this episode but I'll be talking about that. Yes,
Alice Vaughn 1:08:08
it's awesome. And you guys can find me on Twitter at rational blonde or you guys can also catch us every week on this podcast so tell your friends to subscribe leave us comment. Are you grumbling?
Natalia Reagan 1:08:20
Yeah, I was crying it Yeah, sorry. Okay.
Alice Vaughn 1:08:26
So guys, thanks for joining us again. We'll see you next week. All your friends Buh bye.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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